I forgot.

I forgot how incredibly ugly migraine can be.

Two wonderful years on Aimovig and I’d just completely forgotten

I forgot about the constant and unrelenting pain that just doesn’t respond to most pain medications.

I forgot about the constant nausea, akin to bad morning sickness, which just never goes away. You vomit and feel better for a while, but then it comes back.

I forgot about the constipation and diarrhea that follows along with the migraine cycle, always making me feel wiped out and fearful of going anywhere.

I forgot about the moodiness, the short temper, my intolerance for just about everything, and how hard it is to try and regulate your behaviour when you’re dealing with that.

I forgot about how stupid you can get, the holes in the memory and the inability to make really simple decisions.

I forgot how much it screws up my sleep, and how I always wake up between 1 and 3, go back to sleep for a while to wake up again feeling just dreadful. And then all day I just get randomly hit with massive waves of fatigue and just *have* to sleep, but can’t do more than a 10 minute nap.

I forgot. And I’m sorry I forgot, I won’t ever forget again.

That last shot of Aimovig I had in the fridge came out today. I can’t hack it any longer. I haven’t slept or eaten properly in well over a week now and I’m just fried.

I don’t know what happens next. I know I can’t afford anymore unless I miraculously get a job in the next 3 weeks.

We shouldn’t have to fight this hard. We shouldn’t be forced to make choices like this.