Flashback: Playing the long game (#brokenbrain update)

Originally posted 20 July, 2014

I’ve had one long continuous migraine since May 12. All kinds of joy.

It’s been hard. Not just because I had to write a thesis with a brain in agony, but because I had both left arm (face to fingertips) and right leg (mid thigh to foot) numb, and when I have both sides numb balance gets a bit wonky and nausea becomes a bit of a problem.

Three weeks ago they put me on opiate patches, which have helped some – the left side numbness resolved, and the headache has had some relief – but the right leg is still out.

And because my leg has been numb for so long my right hip is a bit of a mess of knotted muscles trying to hold on to a leg it can’t feel. Walking is a bit interesting.

The intense pain and stiffness in my neck and shoulders relating to the headache (which was concentrated at the back of my head and stretched down my neck) and the numbness on the left side is resolving slowly but is being helped greatly by aggressive physio.

That being said, I’d like this adventure with patches to be a once off aberration rather than the next step up in my ever escalating treatment plan for my ever declining condition.

I’m feeling fairly isolated due to the complete collapse of my social support network in recent months – but my doctors are fabulous as always. Doing an MRI next week and some other investigations in to a new variation with my optic nerve that was noted last week, and managing the symptoms as per the last two years.

My frustration and crankiness gets pretty intense these days. I have work to do, and can’t do it the way I want to. Ok, so it’s not work like I used to do; it’s me mucking around in a corner, trying to do something real and something that matters to keep myself sane, in between the frequent naps that fell me and the days where I can’t think straight at all.

I am sorry if anyone cops an earful of the crankiness, I don’t mean it.

I shall try to focus on the work. I just have to play the long game, be patient and pray this migraine will break, and I’ll go back to my weekly routine, or maybe something better.